CP 183 Why do I do what I do?

CP 183  Why do I do what I do?

The longest time I spent in ministry in a parish was at Woden Valley in the ACT. My call there started in 1983 and came to an end in 1999. These were the years all five of our children went through the cocoon of puberty, from which they emerged as finely-balanced adults. From a pastoral point of view it was pretty full-on so every now and then it was necessary to review where I was at. One time around 1989 I was having a conversation with an Anglican priest about coping with stress when he asked me a question to which, within 20 seconds, I gave two separate and conflicting answers. His question was, “Why are you a Pastor?” My first answer was, “Because I want to give glory to God in all things.” The second answer was, “And it gives me lots of strokes.”

From the moment that second answer popped out of my mouth in 1989 until this moment, right now in July 2012, I have been hesitant about publicly claiming or declaring that I do what I do for the glory of God! I certainly want to act for the glory of God. That is the desire of my heart. But, as my second answer revealed, a lot of my personal motivation can also come from doing whatever works for Fred.

That day, back in 1989, my conflicted heart was laid bare to me. I’m sure Rosemarie and others close to me had known or sensed that unpleasant little truth but I hadn’t seen it clearly myself. Oh yes, I knew I could be self-centred, Fred-centred and selfish. But until that day it had never occurred to me that maybe I was attracted to pastoring for my own sake, that I was using ministry as a means of meeting my own needs.

Now, a couple of things about what I’ve just written. First, please don’t send me a comforting little note to say that I’m being too hard on myself. I think it was the Spirit of Christ himself who hit me with a 4 by 2 that day. It was a great wake-up call which I am glad I received. It is always good to know the truth about yourself, especially when you know that the Father in heaven is overflowing with Calvary mercy and forgiveness. (The Holy Spirit’s agenda is always to bring glory to the Son.)

Secondly, I don’t believe for one moment that I’m an orphan when it comes to doing things for my glory or God’s glory. Every single follower of Jesus the Christ has this inner-conflict going on day by day. In fact the dilemma exists precisely because the Spirit of Jesus Christ constantly nudges us to honour Jesus, while the nature we inherited from Adam is always concerned with self.

Thirdly, that deeply ingrained caution about claiming to be pure-in-heart is probably the reason why I find it difficult to sing songs like, “I love you Lord…” Do you share that with me? I have celebration in my heart as I sing about his love for me. I know my heavenly Father loves me. I know that in Christ he is for me, and that therefore no power on earth is able to separate me from his love. Scripture is clear as a bell about that. Check out Romans 8:31-39!

So how do I know if I love God and live for his glory? There is only one answer to that question. Inside me there is a passionate desire and drive, not of my own creating, to honour Jesus Christ. It’s a forceful thing. It is powerful. My conscious being is driven by that desire. And the gospel tells me that in honouring the Son, celebrating Calvary and his resurrection, trusting him for forgiveness and life, I am honouring and trusting the Father. In fact the scripture makes it clear that it is the one and only way to love God the Father. And that, my friends, is my comfort.

Have a blessed week. Next week I’ll share something funny.

Fred